“MODERN LOVE: A PUZZLE”

Various stages of the curent generations dating scene | Photographer, Stylist: Aadya Oberoi, In frame: Vaani Rai & Hardik Ghambir

Modern love: A puzzle

“It’s not that deep” vs. “I’m overthinking everything” – Why dating feels like a psychological experiment.

By Aadya Oberoi

Welcome to the era of mixed signals. They used a full stop instead of an emoji (are they mad about something?). They said they are ‘seeing where things go’ (should I just leave?), or they viewed my story, but did not text back (are they ghosting me?). Overthinking everything is practically a sport at this point (or maybe a trend), driven by vague conversations, and cryptic texting habits. With situationships replacing relationships and the rise of ghosting culture, commitment has become so rare.

According to Anita Rai, a 45-year-old counsellor who works in Delhi, “The pressure to appear effortless in dating is exhausting. Many of my clients, mostly college students and early-career professionals, tell me they worry more about looking desperate than enjoying the connection.” Emotional detachment has become the norm in a social media-driven world, where low effort is seen as cool and being too interested as embarrassing. It is no surprise that love now feels like an extreme sport where overthinking is the main event.

Pranjal Khajuria, a 20-year-old law student from BITS Pilani Law School, shared that she used to spend hours overthinking everything he did. She explained that if he took too long to reply, she would start spiralling, and if he liked someone else’s post, she would question whether he was losing interest. She admitted that she would dissect every text, emoji, and punctuation mark as if she were writing a thesis. It was exhausting, she confessed, and in the process, she lost herself.

Matchmaking apps have only added fuel to this overthinking fire. In India, Tinder remains the go-to platform for casual flings and chaotic swiping marathons. Then there is Bumble, where women take the lead, only to realise the biggest struggle is crafting a decent opening line. Hinge claims to be “designed to be deleted,” but in reality, people keep coming back after every minor heartbreak.

While these apps promise love (or at least a distraction), they have turned dating into an endless cycle of ghosting, dry conversations, and ‘what you doing?’ texts at odd hours. “I matched with this guy on Bumble who seemed perfect on paper,” says Gunjan Kukreja, a 22-year-old Business student at Vivekananda Institute of Professional Studies. “But when we met, he just scrolled through his phone half the time. People’s effort into their dating profiles does not always match their real-life personalities. It is like online shopping, looks great in pictures, disappointing in person.” She adds with disgust.

The real romance hack is not about playing it cool or decoding texts like a detective in CID. Perhaps it is just about saying what you mean without needing a TED Talk to explain your intentions. In a world where swiping left is easier than holding a conversation, real effort is the rarest green flag. So, whether it is Hinge, Bumble, or accidentally making eye contact with a stranger and immediately panicking, the real challenge is just finding someone who replies faster than a customer care service.